I used to have a list of things that had to get done every day no matter what. I’ve heard people call these “non-negotiables.” It really worked for me to have a list like that. Not so much anymore, though.

Living with dynamic disabilities makes having non-negotiables near impossible. And also my brain also doesn’t process change very quickly to begin with. I suppose everyone’s non-negotiables change over time, but mine (and my ability to complete them because of chronic illness/oscillating bodily ability) change so rapidly it’s overwhelming and difficult to keep up.

These days mine feels more like a Semi-Negotiables list. I just try to get them done if I can, with the knowledge that there’s always a change I wake up and don’t feel well enough to do a particular task that day. Knowing that, then I can take the next step to make sure those tasks have coverage if they need it, or make a plan about how to make them up.

Relying on community when something is hard, what a novel concept! Accepting our innate interdependence as a fact of life, how radical! Imagine that!

Of course, I’ve known this logically for a long time, but truly deeply it’s very hard to put into practice. The brain would much rather sit in shame and guilt for a while. It’s easier; the brain grooves for shame/guilt/you’re-a-burden are deeper and well-worn. The grooves for interdependence and asking for help are less-trodden paths. Change takes time.

In fact, change might just be the least-negotiable thing about being alive.

Change: the Biggest Non-Negotiable? Coming to theaters near you?